The Team

Rob Beere (Sidney Beefcake)

Recently voted "Man Most Likely To Rule The Cosmos" by the Kenilworth Alcohol Retailers Association, international studmuffin Sid would like to scotch rumours linking him with Catherine Zeta Jones. Unfortunately he can't as it's all true, even the bit about the Goldfish! On a more serious note, he would like to make it known to the SLF (orchestrators of a recent hate campaign) that only highly trained stunt vegetables were used at the Intermarque Dinner, and no Brussels Sprouts were injured during filming of the fight scenes. Be sure to watch out for the guru touring the nation in 2001, spreading goodwill and dubious stains to all and sundry.

Carl Taylor (Ronnie Biggs)

Sorry girls, he's married! Burt Reynolds lookalike and fabricator extraordinaire, mild mannered Ronnie has selflessly devoted his life to the Samaritans, providing them with an endless stream of clients. A lifelong fan of Yuri Geller, Ron discovered he too could distort metal, simply by smacking it with a big mallet.

Carl is a dedicated liberal and will have shot anyone who says otherwise.

Dave Kennelly (Davey Conneticut)

Blink and you'll miss him Dave has recently had a major career change, elevating himself from "World's slowest engine builder" to "World's most useless computer operator". However he is now recieving training from Rob, who is an expert with "all this modern technical nonsense". Dave's main claim to fame is the invention of the "Double sausage and egg McMuffin diet" and an ability to fall off any motorbike.


Hands Off, She's Ours! We first met the beautiful Hera, modelling Mould on the roof of a local Portakabin. After a quick clean and a fresh application of lippie, she was deemed acceptable as team concubine. Despite an inability to cook bacon sarnies, and the accusation from numerous women that she is fake and "plasticy", we love her dearly.

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